Fight Porn Addiction With Pen and Paper

To fight porn addiction you need a lot of helpful information, a lot of motivation, and a plan. One thing that can help you to fight this addiction to porn is a very simple tool and technique that involved just 3 things: your mind, a pen, and a piece of paper.

This might sound like a very strange thing in regards to an addiction to sleaze and smut, but being able to write things down about your problems has a few advantages you might not realise such as:

  • Unchangeable – What you write down stays the same even if the thoughts you have in your head can change and be twisted depending on your mood.
  • Records – Having a record of what you were thinking at a point in time is very helpful to be able to refer to when you are down, or later in your journey to see your progress.
  • Planning – You can only achieve something if you plan for it. Being able to write down even a loose plan will help you tremendously. The more structured your plan is the better chance you will have to break porn addiction

So with this in mind here are a few things you can do to help yourself right now.

  • Pros and Cons – Write down a list of the good and bad things about pornography and your usage of it. Be extremely honest here and make a comprehensive list. Only when the negatives of porn addiction greatly outweigh the positives you feel will you be able to find more reasons to quit and stay quit.
  • Triggers – Being able to identify the events and circumstances that cause you to crave porn is important. Writing these down along with a way to avoid or overcome these problems allows you some planning time and being able to put into words those triggers to recognise them properly.
  • Feelings – Just writing down what you are feeling when you are at your lowest points, and also when you are feeling strong and ready to end your addiction can also be helpful. Putting them on page makes them real. It allows you to view what you are feeling outside of your own head to judge your reactions and emotions on a different level.

Family Dynamics of Addiction and Recovery – How Can I Tell If My Partner is Serious About Recovery?

Most spouses of alcoholics or addicts have been down this road before. Something has happened. Some crisis has gotten the attention of the alcoholic/addict and now he is motivated to get clean and sober. This time he is going to AA/NA and going to counseling. 

Promises made by the addict to stop the addictive behavior have gone unfulfilled in the past. Yet most of the time, when an addict is making those promises, he intends to keep them. This time is different. They mean it when they say it. That does not mean that what was stated as fact, is indeed, fact.   

How can I tell if my partner is really serious about recovery this time? Most addicts have good intentions in recovery, even at the very beginning of recovery. Most addicts believe their own intentions as evidence of being “in recovery”. For the family member, however, the “intention” as proof of recovery is not necessarily valid.   

The best way to tell how serious someone is about “being in recovery” is to observe their behavior. The newly recovering addict may be saying how much better they feel, how they never want to drink/use again, and talking about their hopes for the future. The newly recovering person often thinks that wanting recovery is equivalent to being in recovery. They often confuse abstinence with recovery. Recovery consists of abstinence from mood altering drugs, and changes in attitudes, feelings, and behavior to such an extent that one’s life is appreciably different.   

How can I trust my spouse when he says that he is working a program of recovery and not drinking/using drugs? Ask him for a list of specific behavioral changes that he intends to make as indicative of “being in recovery”. Ask him “How will I know if you are doing it?” Take the list that they give you and pay attention to their behavior. Ignore the verbiage and observe the behavior.   

Behavior is concrete. They did or are doing the behaviors on this list or that are not. It is measurable. Is your spouse’s list based on the recommendations of his sponsor, AA group, and/or counselor? Is he doing it consistently?  

Behavior is changeable. Today he may be doing more on the list than yesterday.   Observe the behavior as proof. 

If he says he is going to meetings and you know that when the meetings are being held, he is sitting in front of the television, it tells you something. What kinds of changes do you expect the recovering addict to exhibit? Do you expect a change in the ways that he deals with conflicts? Do you expect changes in the ways that he deals with feelings, like anger? Do you expect him to have more patience and tolerance with others? Look at your own expectations. Family members often expect the newly recovering person to magically turn into the person they always wanted them to be. Your recovering loved one may have different ideas about the person that they want to be. Or you may be expecting too much, too soon.  What kinds of behavioral changes are you seeing? Give them credit for the positive changes that they are making.  

Look at your own behavioral changes. The alcoholic/addict is not the only one with “a problem”. If you are working on your own recovery, what serious efforts are you making? The spouse who is attending Al-Anon and who intends to focus on his/her own recovery while allowing the addict the dignity of managing his own recovery, has to look to her own behavior. If you are still constantly thinking, ruminating, obsessing on what the alcoholic/addict is doing or not doing, and planning accordingly on what your own response to them should be, are you exhibiting recovery behavior? People serious about recovery, “walk the walk”, not just “talk the talk”. Change is not that easy. Neither you nor the addict can have recovery without working for it. It is not passive. “Recovery” is a series of active behaviors in a process leading toward health.